Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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