remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
