I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
