R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
