buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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