So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
