I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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