so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
