You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
