If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
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this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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