why didn't you poke me back
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
