Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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