so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
