i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Randomize
