Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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