i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
