you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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