Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
