Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
