I accidentally had phone sex last night
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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