You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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