So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
