She's JV to your varsity
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
