i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
