shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
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It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
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he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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