I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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