You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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