Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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