and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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