Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
