well you can't waste a boner
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
