you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
