She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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