How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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