HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
