Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just high enough for therapy.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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