Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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