is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize