Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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