Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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