i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
