worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
