the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wish i was in the wii world.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
