Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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