dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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