i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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