I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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