You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
