I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
