you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
