...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
