i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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