Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
