Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
