So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
