I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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