dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
